The friend request that will never be accepted

If you have been following my blog for a while then you already know the story of the loss of my brothers. (If not you can read it here “trigger warning as it mentions murder/suicide”)

I saw a post on my on this day on Facebook that reminded me of my brother so I went to his profile and looked at the 2 single photos that were on it and my friend request that will never be accepted.

It made me sad. My heart aches, I really miss my brother. I can tell you even though we were 8 years apart in age at one point he was my best friend.

I miss going to the arcade. Where we would play all the quarters meant for laundry and end the day with Chinese. I miss going to the park to play catch and challenging myself to throw the ball farther and faster. I miss him just being there.

Im hurt that he never got to meet my daughter. I know he would have loved her, because she’s sassy and bossy just like her mom is.

Mostly I’m sad that he is gone. I’ll never be able to talk to him again. To see him face to face again. I don’t even know where he buried so I can’t even go to his grave.

I apologize if this post is all jumbled up, I am just writing my thoughts as the come.

I just hope wherever he is he’s happy.

I miss you big brother.

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